It’s no wonder I am sleeping on the couch. It’s NOT because I just celebrated 8 years of marriage, or didn’t celebrate 8 years of marriage, nor is because my bed is too soft and it hurst my back, nor is it because I fall asleep in front of the TV…wait, I do fall asleep in front of the TV!!!! But tonight, after many many nights, I decided to not fall asleep, and rather drag myself from under my “sofa blanket” and crawl to bed. BIG MISTAKE. Because what happened? I WOKE UP. UP UP UP, and worse, my MIND woke up, and I started talking, keeping my man up, and when I stopped talking so he could sleep I started talking to myself, and there I was; wide awake, (then I remembered our rule; if I fall asleep, doesn’t matter where- LET ME SLEEP, becasue I wake up, and I’m up and start listing things in my head, and there’s no point in writing them down becasue they’ll just be another list that I lost. And what my mind was thinking of? my to do list, my work, a check I’m waiting for, an estimate I need to send, a phone card I need to get, the laundry, the kid’s homework, the lunch for tomorrow, jury duty, the boxes I need to take with me in the morning, the movies I wanted to see, the books I haven’t read, and on and on and on, and on and one…
My beautiful, stubborn, talented, smart, funny and brave Zoe, who is repaying me big time for everything I ever did to my parents and got away with. I am supposed to work on eye- exercises with her, and it the hardest thing I have ever tried to do and it always ends in tears. Mine. and hers and then both of us crying together.. She hates it, and I think she hates me. and I don’t blame her. I know we HAVE to do them, but I dread it every morning, and had avoided them after the first week , but now we are back on, and it is HARD. But that’s not her problem, it is my job as a mom to do everything in my power to provide her the best care I can, and not give up on her, and set an example that I can’t always do for myself, but that she deserves. We’re doing it so that her eyes will be strong and flexible for her teen tears to come, when she’ll study and draw a lot, or want to take her glasses off from time t time….We know it’s for the ling run, WE know it’s the right thing to do, but how do you explain your life experiences to a 5 year old? I guess I don’t, I just try HARDER and find a way. And get help from the husband and shift the schedule and change the attitude and make it fun.
And with all these thoughts in my head…now wonder I forgot my OWN FATHER’S BIRTHDAY!!! yesterday- Happy Birthday Dad!
And that’s why I am up at night and can only fall asleep to the sound of somebody else’s life on TV.
So if you find me sleeping on the couch, I am fine, I am probably happily sleeping away.